Finding a Needle in a Haystack and Other Dumb Things

by B Nelson, Mar 2, 2008


There are a lot of important things in the world to concern yourself with. These are not any of those things.

Finding a Needle in a Hay Stack
First thing you need to do is determine that you are looking in a Haystack... Most people cannot tell the difference between hay and straw! Hay is what animals eat, it is green. Straw is what you sit on when you go on a "hayride" ( I know it makes no sense), Straw is yellow. Make sure you select your stack accordingly.
Needle selection is key too. Knitting needles are preferable over sewing needles. They are bigger, not as sharp, and come in bright colors.
Proper Attire is a MUST! This is not a project to do in your bathing suit. Wear a hat and gloves. Heck, wear clothes on your entire body. Hay is scratchy stuff.
Start with the last piece of hay first. You know how things are always in the last place you look for them, well to simplify things I suggest starting in the last place first.
Pick each piece of hay up in your hand and scrutinize it thoroughly. Roll it over in your hand to check both sides.
Scan it with a magnet for metal sewing needles.
Crumble it up to make sure the needle is not hidden inside. Then discard to another area, and proceed with the next piece.
Repeat until you have either found the needle or until the Haystack is gone.
If you have not found the needle and the stack is gone. Go to your nearest store and buy a needle. What crazy fool is so desperate for a needle they search a haystack for one?
Chickens and Eggs
Eggs came first. No question about it. Dinosaurs had been laying eggs for millions of years long before the first chicken ever did. Not to mention their eggs were bigger, so that should count for something.
Woodchucks and Chucking
How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a Woodchuck could chuck wood?He would not chuck wood even if he could chuck wood, probably he would just sit back and watch Television. Probably not even an outdoorsy or woodsy show, and definitely not Golf!
If white milk comes from white cows, where does chocolate milk come from?It comes from brown cows obviously.
Peter and his Peck of Pickled Peppers.
I have never heard of Pickled Peppers so we will call this one an urban legend and leave it at that.
Zebras and their Stripes
More hairs are white, their tummies are white, but their skin is black so either answer to the question regarding zebras and their color are correct. I would be more concerned with finding that darned needle.
"Does anybody really know what time it is, does anybody really care?"It is 8:53 PM. I really don't care if anybody cares or not. They should not ask such a careless question if they don't care!!! Whoops I was mistaken, it's 8:54 PM, sorry about that, I perhaps was careless myself.
The Blue Sky
It is blue because it has nothing else to do except look down at the mess we have made of the planet. This is also why it is brightly colored in the morning and full of hope for day. Occasionally it cries. I think the sky was in fact pinkish back in the time of the Dinosaurs, when they were laying eggs and all that. Oh by the way, it is now 8:56 PM.
The Great Vacuum of Space
Where is this thing, and if it's so powerful why hasn't it cleaned my house? I mean really - ALL of space and it cannot clean my house? Come on... Scientists are wrong about this one! There is NO vacuum in space, and if there is, it certainly is not that great.
The Right Side of The Bed
To solve this problem, simply do not sleep in a bed. The floor or sofa will do nicely. In a pinch you can always sleep in a nice pile of straw... NOT HAY!

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