Wednesday, October 15, 2008

My Life, my Love

by , Mar 12, 2008
Why I love my life and my family.

Every once in a while I wonder what God had in mind for me when I was born. I have not had a bad life; in fact most of it has been wonderful. My childhood was wonderful. I had two loving parents who provided me with everything I would ever need to succeed in life.
My first marriage was a failure. It took 12 years for me to realize this. I wanted it to work, I tried. My ex-husband didn't have the desire to be a husband or a provider. It was a rare occasion if he held a job for more than three months. The only good thing that came from that relationship was my two beautiful children. I knew that I had to leave when the abuse started. I didn't want my children to think this was any way for a husband to treat his wife. I was even more afraid that he would eventually strike out at one of my children. As much as I needed to leave, it still broke my heart. Not because I loved him, but because I felt as if I was destroying our family by leaving. All I could think about was my two girls. They had never lived anywhere else. They had always gone to the same school, known the same friends. I was scared to death of moving them away from every thing that was familiar.
I moved back to my home town, back into my parent's home, with two children. They took us in with open arms. I worked full time; it wasn't unusual for me to work 65 or more hours in a week. I just wanted to save as much as I could so we could afford our own home. In six months I had saved enough for a down payment. My girls and I moved into our own home, right next door to my parents.
I needed to be close to my family. My youngest daughter was disabled and I needed someone I could trust to watch her. My parents took the responsibility without blinking an eye. My oldest daughter would help but was getting involved in school and other curricular activities for school.
Slowly we began putting our lives back together. I began to date a little. It didn't take me long to decide I didn't want to date anyone who had children; simply because I didn't want the drama of an ex-wife or the responsibility of another child. Some of my friends actually said I was selfish for doing this, but I knew if I ever remarried someone and they had children, then I would have to move to a bigger house, because each of my children had their own rooms, or my children would have to share their rooms. I had worked hard for what we had; I didn't want them to have to give it up. So, I guess in a way I was being selfish, but it was my right and our lives.
Soon, I did meet someone. And no, he didn't have children. Once I knew we were getting serious, I had to tell him about my youngest daughter. I had to tell him that she was disabled and mentally challenged. She couldn't speak very well and needed my attention all of the time. I also told him that my children would come first every time. I figured he would turn around and walk away, and I would never see him again. I was wrong. He told me that my daughter would just be a bonus. He loved children and had a special place in his heart for “special” people.
We were married and he gave up everything. When we met he was a program director and disc jockey for a radio station about 100 miles from where I live. He gave his two week notice for his job. He gave every thing he owned (except for his truck and his clothes and cat) to the Salvation Army and moved to a town he had never been to or heard of before. I can only imagine how he felt. I imagine he was terrified, I would have been.
My daughters were getting older and my youngest daughter needed me more. My oldest daughter was just beginning to drive and was involved in school activities and just needed to be a teenager. My husband, once again, changed careers to make my life better. He went to medical school to become a phlebotomist, so I could stay home or work part time, what ever I wanted to do.
I took a job at our local high school working in the cafeteria. I was able to see my children every day, and was there when they needed me.
Since then, I have published three books. I love to write. If my husband hadn't gone back to school, giving me the opportunity to stay home with my kids, I wouldn't have accomplished this.
Sometimes I still wonder what God has in store for me. I think he just wanted me to be able to take care of my beautiful “special” daughter.
I think we put too much effort in wondering why things are the way they are. We just need to enjoy the wonderful things God has given us and live life to its fullest. I love my husband and my daughters very much. I thank God every day for the life he has given me.

To read more by Cara please click here

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